Phase 10, Starlight Mints, and Granny's Oscar

Today I thought I would share one of many stories about my maternal grandmother. I’m sure you will come to feel like you know her should you continue to follow this blog. A huge presence in my childhood, she is responsible for much of the way my mind works. She was one of a kind. She had this level of creativity that gave way to some pretty intense and often-hilarious family traditions. Those will have to be shared in a future blog.

Whenever I visited Granny, we would sit and chat at her kitchen table. On most occasions, within minutes, she would engage me in a game of Phase 10. She LOVED that game. And Granny was competitive and she held back no punches when games were being played. She would laugh in delight whenever she completed a “phase” in the game; regardless of the age of the grand or great-grandchild seated in opposition. And I happen to know for a fact that during her last few years, she milked her age for all its worth. We would finish a game of Phase 10, put the cards away, and then, if she lost, two minutes later, she would look at me and say, “How about a game of Phase 10?” As if we hadn’t played in weeks. She didn’t crack a smile or reveal any indication whatsoever that we had just finished the game. But I knew she knew!! She could have won an Oscar!

She also loved junk food; to my mother’s disapproval. There were two items that were constants in Granny’s kitchen. In fact, at no time in my life can I recall ever visiting when she did not have a jar of Starlight Mints and a jar filled with Cheese Puffs (there were rare occasions when Cheese Doodles were substituted). She never kept the puffs or mints in their original bag. They were always moved to the re-purposed, tall, washed, and de-labeled coffee jars that she had in outlandish supply. I can recall when one day she asked me to get her a Whopper from Burger King. We ate our burgers and shared stories and as I threw the garbage away she reached behind, pulled a long stream of paper towels out, and said, “Put those on top of the wrappers so your mama doesn’t find out!” Granny was sneaky! Still, that’s not the story I want to share.

Here it is. One day (it was in her last couple of years with us), we were chatting and she was in a minor uproar over something. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew she would eventually share it as soon as I had eggs and coffee in front of me (and her famous toast and jelly which she prepared in the frying pan and has no rival!). She always took care of her guests first and foremost. So, with eggs served, the blessing said, and coffee in hand, Granny launched into what was upsetting her. She had decided not long before this that she wanted to be cremated at the time of her death. She was adamant about this. Granny wanted to minimize her burial costs as much as possible, so, she explained how she had driven her bright orange 1977 Maverick (complete with an 8-track player loaded with gospel music) to the grave site to discuss the arrangement. When she discovered the “outrageous” cost of the urn within which her ashes were to be buried, she told the grave site employees that she did not, under any circumstances, need to be buried in the urn. Well, apparently, they did not give her any choice, citing regulations they had to adhere to. Oh, Granny was fit to be tied and determined to find a way out of this.

So, as we are sitting there in her kitchen having this discussion, a discussion I did NOT want to even think about, my Granny, my junk-food-loving, Phase 10-playing, paper-towel-pulling, orange Maverick driving, feisty actress of a granny, reached behind her and, out of a cabinet, pulled out a jar, within which she had put a signed Last Will and Testament addendum declaring that her final wish on this earth was to have her ashes buried in the hole next to Gramp in that empty Starlight Mint jar!!!!!!

I sat there, eyes wide, mouth agape. I had no words. My mind simply stopped. On many occasions Granny had surprised me with her cleverness, her creativity, and her brazen determination to look after others while also getting her way. But this…  I believe Granny sensed my discomfort and shock and she folded the document, returned it to the Starlight Mint jar, replaced it in the cabinet, sat back down, and without batting an eye looked at me and said, “How about a game of Phase 10?”

Thank you for sharing this time with me. May your day be filled with joy and laughter and maybe even a Cheese Puff or two.

I continue to be,

Jamie