Briefcases, Trench Coats, and the New Car Illusion

I have to wonder what my mom must have thought when, as a 14-year old, I asked for a briefcase for Christmas. One of my television character-idols was Alex P. Keaton and I had just joined my high school debate team; as such, the briefcase was an essential wardrobe accessory. To complete the attire, I saved my own money to purchase a trench-coat; all of this to strike fear in my debate team opponents! In my briefcase, I carried my debate team plan, pens, post-it notes, some support documents, notepads, and Pepto-Bismol. I was a badass. No doubt about it.

When I was 16, I started working at a local supermarket and one of my first paycheck purchases was a Motorola mobile phone. It came in a black carrying case that, unfortunately, resembled a purse, and the battery was the size of a brick. I think I may have gotten 30 free minutes a month with my plan. Phone calls were expensive and I only used it for emergencies, which included calling in my hot dog order to Midget Market on an almost daily basis. I would walk in to Midget Market and straight to the counter, avoiding the Luddites standing in line to place their order! I would announce at the register that I called in my order…ya know…from my car phone. At the time, I drove a used 1984 Wolfsburg Edition Volkswagen Rabbit; not exactly topping the list for potential car phone inclusion!

To further legitimize the scam that I had an amazing brag-to-your-friends-about car, I remember purchasing one of the most innovative car accessories of that era: New Car Scent!! It was literally the smell of a new car bottled with a sprayer. Oh my goodness, people would hop in my car, look at me with puzzled faces, the sight of the vehicle in complete disagreement with its smell. They would then sniff the air once more for confirmation, and exclaim sarcastically, “Is this a new car?”

I was, without a doubt, a super strange kid. Back then, I was constantly searching for ways to better fit in. I can remember praying at night that the new identity I was going to try the next day would be the one that worked. The briefcase, the trench-coat, the bagged phone the size of a small bomb, the New Car Scent… all of these purchases made for the sole purpose of insuring that I would be thought of as a winner! I was not thought of as a winner. But, looking back, I can almost see out of the corner of my memory’s eye, my mom and dad’s knowing smile each time I exercised one of my quirks. When we are young, we want to fit in; when we are older we want to stand out; when we are wise, none of it matters.

May your day be filled with all the oddities you see fit to provide! :)

I continue to be,

Jamie